Sorry...

Posted By: mellers on

Wednesday, October 1st, 2008, 11:47 am

... I am too selfish.

I was in error in thinking of my own feelings when someone lost their temper with me last week and should have been thinking of how awful it was for them to feel so much anger and resentment. I have a "victim mentality" it seems and as far as I understand it I also "think the whole world is against me".

I didn't know I thought or felt these things until someone at group today kindly told me.

This is why I am so unhappy and I need to stop playing at being a victim or being upset if someone shouts at me.

Glad that's sorted then.

Tags: personality, therapy

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Posted By: tkgonzal on

Monday, September 29th, 2008, 12:58 am

Anti-Aging Therapies are real and there here. It all starts with a good evaluation to determine the person’s expectations and needs. Naturopathic Medicine along with the latest advances in medicine has a great deal to offer. Botanical Medicine, Hormone Therapy, supplementation, acupuncture, nutritional IV’s, nutrition, exercise, spinal manipulation, prevention and esthetics medicine are all part of an Anti-Aging regiment.

For More Info Visit: www.onegooddoctor.com.  Read more about Anti-Aging from a qualified Naturopathic Physician, Dr. Theo Christodoulakis.

Tags: therapy, hormone, anti aging

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Posted By: mellers on

Wednesday, July 9th, 2008, 10:26 am

It hasn't stopped raining since I woke at 7 a.m. this morning, so even if I felt like it the prospect of me running between now (about 3:20) and 6:30 when I have to check in to the hospital for a scan before my op tomorrow is very small indeed.

I feel lousy, not least because I spent most of the morning in the therapy session crying (Angela finds me intimidating - why did I think things would be any different there) and I'm not making any improvements, I'm going backwards it seems. My eyes now sting and I have an "I've been bawling my eyes out" headache.

I am losing my temper with partner at the slightest thing and frankly can't see any point in continuing.

I have been unable to find the answer to my night-time overheating problem. I think it IS the menopause but at 41 did not expect it so early. It seems like there is little point to life any more and I feel rubbish.

Tags: depression, therapy, hospital, crying

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Posted By: drronaldnathan on

Monday, June 16th, 2008, 11:50 am

OK I realize I am in the wrong department - a man in the women's section! If you'll forgive me however, I'd like to pass on a few ideas and ask for some of your experiences and suggestions.

Let's say your husband drinks more, laughs less and has lost interest in hobbies and sports. On edge and irritable, he yells at you and the kids. Or maybe your boyfriend constantly checks up on you and his jealousy frightens you. He needs professional help. What can you do?

The Marlboro Man In Therapy?

Your husband or boyfriend may not be the Marlboro man or come from Mars, but he may believe that therapy is for wusses. After all, men are taught to be tough, self-reliant and never ask for help. This may explain why only one of three outpatient visits to therapists are made by men.

So what's a loving woman to do? There are no easy answers or one liners you can use. But as a psychologist who has limited his practice to men for the last ten years, I have learned how many women succeed and I think I can guess why others fail.

Ultimatums and Other Strategies

Some men call me in response to an ultimatum: "You get six sessions of therapy or I'm getting a divorce." Other women have made appointments with marriage counselors that their husbands canceled in favor of a lesser evil. Maybe you've tried these approaches. Are you starting to feel that you can lead a horse to water, but you'd better be ready to drown him?

There are probably fifty ways to lead your lover into therapy. You know your man best. Think about what has worked most successfully in the past when you wanted him to do something he didn't want to do. How do you influence him?

Watch Your Language

You may be comfortable with the terms "therapy," "psychotherapy," and "personal growth," but most men aren't. Going for "a consultation," "counseling" or "coaching" to "get back on track," "find a way to control anger" or "learn some new skills" often work well.

Plant the seed and nurture it. This is not a sprint; it's more like a marathon. Even when physicians refer a man to me, it takes an average of about three months before I get a call.

You Are Not Alone

Many men have come to me on referral from their primary care physician. Internists, family doctors and even urologists are now trained to assess emotional disorders and to make referrals to therapists.

So when other approaches fail and the problem is a serious one, I recommend that a woman encourage her man to see his doctor or make the medical appointment for him and then share her concerns with the physician before the visit. What about confidentiality? It's not a problem because she is not asking for confidential information, only offering her observations.

Choosing a Therapist

Psychotherapy with men is becoming a recognizable field in terms of practice. Most therapists are becoming more sensitive to the needs of men, but you may want to find or help your man find a therapist who specializes in men.

Search on line and/or ask if the therapist has a gender preference and what percentage of his or her patients are men. Also find out if the therapist has a private entrance and night or weekend hours. Many men anchor their self-esteem in their work and it is difficult for them to explain a weekly doctor's appointment to their boss or co-workers.

Find a Bridge to Therapy

Sometimes anonymous, self-help groups or materials for solo use are more acceptable to a man. In addition, these approaches can often serve as a bridge to therapy.

Books can be intimidating for some, require too much concentration for others, and are frustratingly slow for still others. In addition, the overwhelming majority of self-help materials are purchased by women, so the editing and marketing reflect the needs of women.

Over the past decade, working exclusively with men, I developed an audio self-help program called The FAST Technique for Stress Relief. To listen to a free six minute sample, please visit www.relaxfastforfree.com.

If your man is depressed but likes to read, the best book for depression I know is Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David Burns, M.D.

The Power of Prayer

Not everyone is religious, but for those who are, I would say this: Whether the current goal is getting your man into therapy or self-help, prayer is often helpful. The biblical definition of love (1 Corinthians 13:4) starts with "Love is patient, love is kind..." To be loving on route to these kinds of goals, you need to take good care of yourself and you may need the strength that comes from prayer or spiritual practice.

Please share your ideas! Thanks in advance and thanks for all you do for us.

Tags: love, men, therapy

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Posted By: mellers on

Friday, February 22nd, 2008, 4:13 am

Sometimes I really wish the "private" setting was still available on these blogs. Not because I don't appreciate your kindness and support when I'm feeling so low, or I want to hide things from you, but I'm starting to feel guilty. Guilty that people who leave me message of kindness and caring, aren't seeing results for their efforts in a change in my mood & behaviour. Guilty that anyone who reads my posts where I am struggling, will start to find it all a little bit wearing. As if I'm constantly ASKING for help, which at the moment I don't feel I deserve.

In fact, at the moment I feel really crap, but honestly don't feel like there is anything anyone can say right now which would help. I wouldn't want anyone who offered support to be disappointed that their kind words didn't do the trick. So please if your reading this and thinking "oh for heaven sake, pull yourself together,  woman" trust me - I'm thinking that already.

If there was a private setting, I'd use it, but there isn't, so I can't. I have found that sometimes, just recording my thoughts (in the manner of confiding in a close friend) sometimes helps, so please don't see this post as a cry for help, just as an attempt to rationalise what I'm thinking to myself. If you want to offer words of support, please don't be put off, but please don't be offended if this funk which has blighted me since Monday, fails to lift straight away as a result of your thoughtfulness. You are still lovely people!

Ever since Monday, I have been headachey, exhausted and in a state where all my muscles ache too. By Tuesday, I had worked out it felt like a cold threatening but I had run out of echinacea so didn't get the chance to help fight it off in time before I knew what it was.  I've bought some more now, and have been taking it since Wednesday, but it's really floored me.

I say THINK it's a cold, as you may also know I've recently gone back to work and concentrating, travelling and generally having to act "professional" for hours at a time, rather than please myself as I have been doing for the last 2 years, is also really taking it out of me. I'm really hoping it's the cold and not the fact that I can't cope with work which could be rather worrying.

I haven't run this week (despite my intentions to do so) and am so knackered all the time. I feel like I've gone back on my word when I said I was going to go out for a run on Tuesday too, which isn't helping my mood. My night out with my friend on Tuesday wasn't the positive affirming experience I wanted to be which made me feel worse. And my new Group therapy session made me want to shout at them for making assumptions and sweeping generalisations; and for being so false and partronising.

Ho hum. Lets hope lots of paracetamol and hot drinks will help and I'll be back on my feet in a couple of days. Give me a few days and I'm sure I'll be back to my old self.

Tags: work, cold, low mood, therapy

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