Posted By: mellers on
I really hope I'm not going to be offending anyone here, but someone asked a question today, which really got me thinking about my own beliefs. I was brought up to be a Christian. I was baptised and encouraged/instructed/forced to go to church as a child. I never got as far as being confirmed as even at the age of 13 or so there were many things I found objectionable about organised religion in general (not specifically Christianity). I have found that my scientific and logical leanings have meant that I struggle to believe in the existence of a god. My own sense of what I believe is right and wrong means that I really do dislike the way that some (although of course not all) people use religion as an excuse to be crappy to each other. I also heavily resent the guilt that it forced upon my mother from a young age and which she felt duty bound to pass on to me in the name of being a good Christian. At the age of 40 it has left me with a profound sense of "what's it all about?" and was probably a significant factor in my struggling to feel that my life had any purpose whatsoever as I struggled to come to terms with the fact that I wasn't going to have children. I think if I could have had some spiritual convictions when I was at my lowest ebb, I wouldn't actually have got so far as to feel suicidal. But I didn't, so sadly ..... I did (IYSWIM). Having put my suicidal thoughts behind me, I am STILL looking for a deeper and more meaningful spiritual connection to the world around me (both the planet and the people on it). Over the last few months - especially since I discovered that there is such a thing as 'pagan and wiccan beliefs' when iVillage launched that very board - I too have wondered if what I believe is close to being pagan and or wiccan. I love the planet and the earth, more than I care about some people. I care deeply abut the state of the planet, and do everything I can to recycle and reduce my carbon footprint and get closer to nature. The trouble is, I still have that logical part of me which say that our galaxy, solar system, planet and in fact all life on earth was all a series of coincidences played out over billions of years which have simply evolved as they have, because that's what the laws of physics say that in this set of circumstances, that's EXACTLY what would happen. I don't believe in a higher power and sadly although I do believe in the power of individual faith and belief to affect physical health and achievements, I don't believe in spells and crystals. I wish I could. I am a believer in "what goes around comes around" also known as Karma in some religions but again see it simply as the logical extension of any given set of circumstances. I think that "do as you would be done by" is one of the most important rules to live your life by, along with "walk a mile in another man's shoes" & "we're all different so different ways work for different people and our very differences make the world a very special place". I also think it's important to respect what other people choose to believe (even if I completely struggle with it myself) not least of which because spiritual beliefs can be a source of such great comfort, hope and help in times of need. I am also starting (very gradually) to be honest about what I think and believe and to say so in such as way as doesn't hurt anyone else (not sure if I'm getting that bit right yet tho'). I wish I could however believe in ghosts and spirits. The sad thing is there are specifically two people who I have known who have died, and their passing has been of immense relief to me. It would be incredibly disconcerting to me to think that they are now and forever more watching over me in the same harmful way that they did when they were alive and I am not sure how to reconcile that thought with the more positive experience I have seen others feel with the spirit world. I would DEARLY love to know more about pagan and wiccan beliefs, but I've been too concerned that me posting on that board that "I don't believe in this and that" would mean that I can't really embrace it. I'd love to know if what I feel is appropriate for that board and I suppose I'd like to know if that's what I am....
Tags:
thoughts, pagan, beliefs, religion, wiccan