Posted By: mellers on
Wednesday, February 20th, 2008, 8:54 am
I'm feeling a bit weird at the moment TBH. I went out last night with an old friend for a chat and a drink down the pub. If I am honest, I actually felt too exhausted and & headachey (I'm fighting off a cold)to go and would rather have given it a miss - BUT - we had made the arrangement 3 weeks ago, so to have cancelled would have been the height of selfishness. I also pledged to my boardies I would try to get out more and stop using WW as an excuse not to go out and socialise, and I am nothing if not a woman of my word.
So out I went.
I kind of wish I hadn't. I was exhausted having gone to work that day, and I found the topics of conversation really difficult to get to grips with. The whole thing was just rather heavy.
It also underlined to me how boring I am, and how little I have to talk about outside weight-loss, French, Salsa dancing and exercising. Sadly my friend isn't in to any of these things and we ended up talking about her children quite a lot. Now I don't begrudge ANYONE the opportunity to mention their kids every so often, but I can't help noticing that this particular friend seems to want to bring them in to the conversation on the most tenuous of links. It really started to hit home with me, when I was feeling so "childless" and was really hard to deal with.
I came away feeling like the evening itself had been a real struggle and consequently I feel really quite low. I must learn to listen to myself and maybe to try and be brave and say, "no I'm not going out", when I don't want to. Mind you, it was that attitude that isolated me from everyone in the first place, so it feels like I can't win. How does one tell what the right thing to do is in such a situation. I am at a loss.
In other news, I started my first session of group therapy today. I wasn't as anxious and scared as most of the others admitted to being, but that made me just feel all the more "different". I do hope I can find some common ground with some of them in due course.
I didn't actually say very much this week (you couldn't shut some of the others up! lol!) but I found myself feeling inexplicably annoyed by some of them. I know from experience that speaking my mind, when I'm pissed off, is a REALLY BAD idea. Maybe I HAVE learnt something after all. Let's hope I am in a better mood with it/them next Wednesday.
Tags:
unhappy, going out, annoyed, struggling
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