Why don't they know who I am???
Hi friends!
This should really be on the CWD Messageboard, but its a bit too specific, and I'm terrified of someone in my circle seeing it and working out who I am and - even worse! - who I'm talking about.
Basically, its about my sisters, who are the only family I have left. They are both older than I, and I've always been treated like the "baby sister" tho I'm in my late 50s!! But what's really bugging me atm is that - they seem to have no idea as to who I am.
A few years ago, I had a blazing row with the younger of the two, although it was all by letter cos neither of us like verbal slugging matches. She had two kids by her second husband, and I ALWAYS remembered their birthdays and, even when I was not too well off myself, would stuff at least a £5 in their cards - although my eldest sister used to tell me not to, I always said I would not treat the two sets of kids, hers and the others, any differently. I never knew if they were received, cos never got a thank you - often the only way I knew was if the cheque was cashed. Similarly, at Christmas, I would buy separate presents for my sis and BIL, and for the two kids; even if they weren't very expensive, I would take a lot of trouble finding something I thought they would like. All I ever got in return was a boxed set of toiletries - the sort you'd give to a casual acquaintance, and, frequently, brands I never used cos I have extra sensitive skin. I didn't mind the money side of it - but the complete lack of thought drove me bonkers. I'm a bookworm - I would really rather have had a £5 book token - at least it would have shown they had some idea of who I was!!! This particular Christmas, I wrote and told her this, and she refused my presents!
Again, when I was working in the NHS, the same sis came over and told me how terrible the NHS was when an in-law was in hospital, till I finally lost my temper and said - I know, it's my job to know!!!!! She used to be very good with lifts, when I couldn't drive, but every time we got to my house (which had been my mother's) I'd invite her in for a coffee; she'd refuse, saying she had to get back, then sit in the car and talk for about an hour. The only time she did come in was, we were passing my local Garden Centre, about half a mile from my house, and she said Ooh, let's have a coffee! As the coffee bar had closed, she couldn't really avoid coming into my house and having a coffee!
When I was made redundant in my 50s and was looking for a job, my sis's basically equated my job hunting with their kids; - there's a huge difference between looking for a job when you 50+ and the only wage earner, and looking for one in your late teens/early 20s, with parents behind you who in the last analysis aren't going to see you starve!!! But they didn't seem to see that. In fact, my younger sis often calls me by my neice's name, which to me indicates her view of me!!! My younger sis even said "Well, you'll get unemployment benefit, won't you?" as if - that's all right, then.
Recently, both my sis's have been quite generous with money, as I've been on benefits and drowning in debt. But, once whey they both came over, we got onto the question of my car, which my younger sis very kindly arranged to have taken off the road as I couldn't MOT, tax or insure it. Now, it took me literally DECADES and probably thousands of pounds, to learn to drive, I was terrified/hopeless; I finally passed at the 4th attempt, at 48. I'd spent so much money on lessons, I couldn't afford to buy a car, till about 2 years later; even then, I was too scared to drive on fast roads/dual carriageways /motorways for about another 18 months, and didn't get a car I really liked till about a year or so later - and I LOVE my car!!! I happened to mention that people had been stoppng me in the street and asking if I wanted to sell it - my younger sis said "Well, sell it then" I said that, if I did that, no-one would ever lend me the money to get another one, and she said, quite casually "Well, realistically, will you ever be able to afford to run it again?" She obviously had NO IDEA what getting a car meant to me - I was absolutely gutted, and so hurt, I couldn't even reply.
A little while ago, I started writing stories, to try and get some money. I wrote one, aimed at the lower end of the women's magazine market; my elder sister read it, and said she thought it was fine. I had to pay to print it out at the Library, cos my printer needed a cartridge I couldn't afford, then pay postage/return postage. They turned it down, and when I told my elder sis, she said she thought they would! I said, well, why didn't you tell me, I'd have saved a small fortune!!!! She said she couldn't. We talked about other things then she came back to this, and said, would I really have preferred her to tell me the truth, and I said Well OF COURSE I would!!! Then she said, well, it was only her opinion, she could be wrong; I said well, fine, I'd think about what she said, decide whether I agreed with her or not, then make a decision; I was not so fragile that I was going to dissolve into tears and go throw myself under a bus!!!!!
I just don't feel they have any real knowledge of me, or, in a way, respect for who I am, and what I've done. I'm the ONLY one in my generation to get a degree, let alone a higher degree, but they still treat me as if I'm still 17 just left school and working as a secretary.
How do I make them see ME without a furious row?
Sorry, didn't mean to write a thesis, but needed to get this out! If you have, thanks for reading this far lol!
Hugs
Rose xxxxx
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