Wednesday, May 28th, 2008, 5:00 pm
I didn't blog yesterday when I got back from my weekend away, for several reasons. I've not been dealing well with the prospect of losing my job and I'm afraid I am struggling a bit this week. Raging insomnia, wild mood swings (ranging from competence and self-belief way over to panic and hysteria). I'm afraid it's got me in a bad way for the moment, and I am desperately trying to keep it together for the sake of keeping my job. It all seems rather grim at the moment. When I blog, I need to be able to see SOME silver lining and I've been struggling to see that for the last week or so. We'll all know I'm starting to come out of it when I can blog chirpily again. I think I need to accept that this is just a part of this horrid illness and things will get back to a place where I feel human again and I can cope - just not yet. I think this is just something I have to go through and just hope it will pass quickly and I don't do too much damage to those friendships I do have while it is with me. In the mean time, I hope all you iVillage lovelies out there will bear with me until I am normal Mellers again.
Tags:
stress, anxiety, work, not coping
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Thursday, May 22nd, 2008, 2:53 am
Before all this work thing blew up in my face, I had booked to go away for a long weekend in my camper van again, so I'm still going.
It might be a bit tricky trying to relax with the anxiety of possibly losing my job hanging over me, but it's booked, planned and paid for and I am never one to waste money like that. Hey, I may even go and have a nice time.
I'll try not to binge though and if it goes OK, I'll blog about it when I get back on Tuesday.
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anxiety, camper van, bank holiday
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Tuesday, May 20th, 2008, 12:30 pm
Just been given details of my company's redeployment programme which basically involves them putting me on a list for 3 months and ME finding myself an alternative job within the company during that time. I get 3 months then if I haven't found a suitable job, or been accepted at any job I've applied for - I'm out on my ear with nothing.
I am very frightened by this. I would lose all my benefits, my pension rights AND my private health insurance. I am in pieces at the moment and don't know what to do.
I should add that the nature of my illness (depression) does unfortunately paralyse me at time like this when the enormity of the task overwhelms me. What would seem to a well person ordinarily simply a matter of knuckling down and finding myself a job, becomes a task so huge and vast that I can't even think about it let alone start tackling it. It's kinda hard to explain if you've never been paralysed by the enormity of something like this...
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work, redeployment, fear
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Monday, May 19th, 2008, 4:15 am
I've been such an exercise nutter over the last week in an effort to undo some of my naughty binge last weekend, that's I have really pushed myself to the limit. As well as a Personal Best time in my 5k mid-week, I've run, walked, cycled and danced for at least 17 hours in the last 7 days including cycling over 50 miles in the last 2 days. Consequently I've woken up VERY stiff this morning! lol!
I need to relax and take some time out to chill now for a bit, I think and find some time to RELAX in the lovely sunshine!
In other WW related news, this morning's weigh-in puts me at a weight of 9 stone 3lbs, 3 pounds less than last week. Phew!
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exercise, relaxation, weight loss, weigh in
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Friday, May 16th, 2008, 8:28 am
Blimey - after the amount of cheese wine and chocolate I downed on Friday, Saturday and Sunday of last weekend in my 3-day binge I was convinced that when I went to class last night the best I could have hoped for was a STS on my leader's scales.
OK, I have tried really hard by cutting back on my points ever since and doing LOADS of exercise in the last 7 days (35 points-worth to be exact) to mitigate the worst of my excesses, but I wasn't actually expecting to have done so well as to actually lose weight this week (Thurs-Thurs, according to WW scales). In fact, 4 days ago on my own Monday-Monday weigh-in I had actually gained a pound.
According to WW however, I am now 9 stone 6 - a whole pound lighter than last Thursday and back to my ACTUAL OLD GOAL WEIGHT (fully clothed and on their scales) for the FIRST TIME IN 18 years. Even though I've been at goal on my scales for ages, theirs always weigh me 4 lbs heavier, so it has been a bit of a personal niggle (and personal challenge) for me to get down to this weight and have it written on my card by my leader.
Tags:
weight loss, success, weigh in, binge
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