Tuesday, August 21st, 2007, 7:43 pm
Ok, so i knew today was going to be a bad day, and for the most part i think i've done ok. Admittedly it took me until 2:30 to get out of bed and walk the dog (poor boy!!!) It wan't that i slept until then, dont think i slept all that much at all, but i just couldn't get up. I couldn't face all the things that needed doing, and i suppose in a way i couldn't really face myself. Maybe it was that more than anything else, that kept me hidden under my duvet for so long, and is making me want to go back there now.
I've also had an absolute beast of a headache all day, and i keep getting funny spots in front of my eyes. They dont stay very long, but they are so damn annoying when they are there. I know its because i am so over tired and i also know that if i stoppped being so flippin stupid and allowed myself to sleep then maybe i wouldn't feel quite as i do. But that is just not an option, despite how daft that sounds. Its making me very ill-tempered and i know i have no excuse as i am, for the most part, keeping myself awake. Its certainly no excuse for the two blazing rows i have had with my sister today. We NEVER argue. Not like this anyway. She has also been in a pretty foul mood tonight, thanks to mum throwing a giant sized spanner in the works with her university place, and so i can see why she is feeling and acting as she is and i really do feel for her. I think, to be honest, that may be where some of my anger has come from tonight, as the poor girl is distraught and i honestly dont know how to fix this. How DARE mum do this to her, after everything she gone through to get this far!! And very selfishly, why the hell should i be the one trying to pick up the pieces?
Grrrr!!!! I just want to scream and hit out at something. Watch out pillow!!...probably safest!
Oh, i so dont know what to do with myself. I do want to sleep, i really do, but i cant. I'm rambling again.....
Maybe its time to take Wooster out again...
Goodnight!
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Tuesday, August 14th, 2007, 2:39 pm
I just came across this picture whilst messing around on the internet (yes, i am procrastinating!) and i thought i might put it on here for anyone in need of a laugh, or at least a smile, today.
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Take care lovely people.
Lily xxx
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Monday, July 9th, 2007, 12:36 pm
Thought it was about time i updated my blog as its been a while since i've written. Though not that i am i cant think of what i have been up to really.
I've left uni now, although i still have the essays i deferred to finish and send in. Oh joy! lol. Have had my dissertation back too. Got a 2:2. I was pleased when i first opened it as i really did think i had failed. It really wasn't up to what i could or should have done and so i am disappointed that i didn't put in the effort i should/could have had i been feeling better. No point dwelling on that though as there's nothing i can do about it now. I just need to put the effort in on these others essays and hope that i pass them. If i do, then graduation is early November. So i need to get my lazy backside into gear and get writing!
Other than that there's not much news really. Going back to 'the homeland' (lol) in the morning. Not sure how long i will be away at the moment, but i am looking forward to catching up with people and seeing a few family members. Again though, i need to get myself into gear and pack. I've sorted some stuff out already and done some washing and all that, but as i dont know how long i'm going for or what i'll be doing....let alone what the delightful British weather will be doing.....i dont really know what to take with me.
This has turned into a bit of a boring, rambling blog.....can you tell i'm putting off packing?! lol
Oh, well....i suppose i'd better stop writing about what i need to do and actually get on with it. I think i might go back out for another walk too, making the most of the sunshine whilst its here.
Take care peeps! Hope you're all well.
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Wednesday, June 13th, 2007, 11:04 am
Its 10 years today since i lost my best friend to anorexia. I wrote this for her this morning. She was very special and i still miss her like crazy. Keep flying darling girl, you're not forgotten.
Your smile used to light the room
Your laughter filled the hallways
We’d giggle until our sides hurt
And tears rolled down our faces
You and me
Like sisters
Inseparable
Until the end
Your laughter still dances in the hallway
And I still see your smile
I hear your voice and giggle at our antics
But this time you’re not at my side
You’re in my heart
And will be forever
I love you Lisa
And whilst you’re in our memories
You’ll never really be gone
So take those angel wings
And fly!
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Wednesday, June 6th, 2007, 12:58 pm
Forgot to mention before that if i do go then there is no one to look after my Grandad which is one of the things i was going to have to do once i'd figured out where i was going to be and got myself a job. I'd never forgive myself if anything happened to him because i'd gone and he had no one to take care of him. Then there is my little sister who Mum and her husband are also leaving behind.
I'm nowhere nearer a decision than i was last night! Anyone have a brain i can borrow for a little while?!?
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