Thursday, May 1st, 2008, 5:06 am
Professional weirdo David Blaine has broken the world record for holding your breath.
Blaine achieved the feat live on the Oprah Winfrey show, spending 17 minutes and four seconds in a water tank.
After beating the previous record by 32 seconds he said he had fulfilled a lifelong dream.
Whatever.
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Thursday, May 1st, 2008, 4:58 am
Another Wednesday night, another opportunity to laugh and point at what is, by far, the best comedy the BBC has to offer.
The Apprentice delivered its usual collection of David Brent-esque gems as Kevin Shaw became the latest moron to be shown the door by Suralan.
As soon as Shaw was appointed leader of the Renaissance team, all bets were off that he would get the boot.
Somehow, his idea of helping to save the environment by selling as many small pieces of worthless cardboard as he could, didn't prove to be a winner.
Following his exit, talk soon turned to his striking resemblance to Little Britain star Matt Lucas, and in particular 'the only gay in the village' Daffyd.
But, displaying all the skills that guided him through his superbly funny sales pitch to Clinton Cards, Shaw said: 'Matt is one of the greatest comics this country has produced for years so it's hardly an insult.'
Hmm.
I think the point is that you resemble a roly poly, balding simpleton.
So it's a bit of an insult I suppose.
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Tuesday, April 29th, 2008, 5:41 am
Cher has spilled the beans on a wild affair she had with Tom Cruise when the actor was still at school and starting out in the business while the singer was a mere 39 years old.
Cher, 102, made the comments on the Oprah Winfrey show.
She said: 'It could have been a great big romance because I was crazy for him."
'He was shy. He said he felt like such a boob in school and nobody talked to him.'
The relationship is said to have ended when Cruise met Mimi Rogers, who was later to become his first wife.
Both have, of course, now moved on, with opinion divided on whether Tom is still (or ever was) 'a boob'.
And while Cruise continues make multi million-dollar films while banging on about how we'll all soon be taken back the the planet Zog by aliens, Cher is happily wheeling herself around the retirement home still wearing her spandex.
It could have been so different...
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Tuesday, April 29th, 2008, 5:21 am
My dad is able to tell me exactly where he was and what he was doing when he heard about history-making events such as the death of Elvis and the first man on the moon (allegedly).
And in a few years time I will be able to tell my kids exactly where I was when I heard the bombshell news of Geri Haliwell's retirement as a solo artist.
If you notice people walking around in a tearful daze, randomly hugging each other and setting up shrines over the next couple of days, it is likely to be because Geri Spice has announced she will no longer be making any records.
Fighting back the tears, she said: 'I feel like I've hung up my hot pants now. I'll always try and be honest about myself. I've finished as a solo artist. Right now I just feel really comfortable writing books.'
Yes, you heard her right.
The consolation for all those millions of Geri fans out there is that while the days of watching a crazed, talentless ginger-nut in tight clothing prance about to an instantly forgettable backing track, you will be able to bore your kids to tears with her ripped-off stories about fairies and things.
Girl Power!
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Tuesday, April 29th, 2008, 5:01 am
It's an occupational hazard when you're a famous film star - everyone wants a piece of you.
But even the most A-list of celebs have certain 'pieces' they wish to keep under wraps.
Which is why housewives' favourite Colin Firth was a little upset when an over zealous fan attempted to take a photo of his 'piece' in the Gents recently.
The incident happened during the interval at a Broadway show.
The 47-year-old told America's Daily Show that he attempted to push the camera away, but admitted 'it's hard to do when you're not entirely in your pants.'
Quite.
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