Friday, August 31st, 2007, 6:17 am

Proving that a lack of any talent whatsoever is no barrier against appearing in a hit TV series, Victoria Beckham has landed a role in Ugly Betty.
Beckham has no previous acting experience, apart from the critically-acclaimed flick Spice World, in which she did an outstanding job of playing herself.
The new series of Ugly Betty is due to air from late September onwards with Posh apparently being lined up to play a bridesmaid.
So, really all she has to do is stand there and look pretty.
Well, one out of two isn't bad.
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Friday, August 31st, 2007, 5:57 am

Mel B was left red faced during an American talk show interview when she was unable to name any of her fellow contestants on Dancing with the Stars.
The spice Girl has signed up for the dance competition, whis is the US equivalent of Strictly Come Dancing.
But, when questioned during the Jimmy Kimmel show, Mel showed she hadn't done her homework and admitted she was none the wiser as to who her stable mates would be.
Kimmel said: 'You've got to know a couple, right?'
A squirming Mel replied: 'Tell me the names again.'
Don't worry Mel. They probably don't know who you are either.
And, let's face it, that's why you're going on the show isn't it?
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Friday, August 31st, 2007, 5:31 am

Call me an old-fashioned, stuffy so and so if you like, but I found myself muttering an impassioned 'hear hear' when I read Keira Knightley's comments about the conduct of certain 'celebrities' these days.
Knightley was speaking at the premiere of her new film Atonement, and offered a reassuringly refined view of how someone in the public eye should conduct themselves
(I just read what I've written and I sound like a right old fart but I'll plough on anyway).
In particular, the British actress was referring to the likes of Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan, both of whom have been photographed in varying states of undress, inebriation and general scuzziness while out on the town.
She said: 'I'm not going to get blind drunk and then stumble out and fall over and puke up in front of people.
'I'm not saying I don't do that in private, but I try not to. They're real people proving they're s***tier than everybody else because they don't even wear knickers.'
I suppose what Keira is really talking about is class.
She has it, while the likes of Spears and Lohan (read Jordan and Danielle Lloyd for a UK alternative), don't.
In fact, these bottom drawer 'celebrities' are totally bereft of class, talent and, it would appear, self respect.
Which provides me with some great material for these pages!
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Thursday, August 30th, 2007, 5:42 am

I remember school holidays as a kid.
Sometimes I would moan that I was bored or would complain that I didn't want to go to do a certain activity that my parents had probably spent time and money on preparing.
If this sounds familiar, spare a thought for Tom Cruise's children.
According to The Metro, they were sent away for the summer to Scientology Camp.
Isabella, 14, and Connor, 12, were apparently left at the camp in Oregon while Tom filmed Valkyrie in Germany and their mother, Nicole Kidman, shot new flick Australia.
Reports suggest that while activities such as riding and swimming are on offer there is also time devoted to 'Scientology coursework'.
'A source' is quoted by America's Star magazine as saying: 'The summer camp is part of the Scientology's 'get them while they're young' campaign.'
Lucky Isabella and Connor!
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Thursday, August 30th, 2007, 5:29 am

Spice Girl Mel B is to appear in the US version of Strictly Come Dancing, it has been announced.
Mel, 32, will compete in Dancing With The Stars alongside fellow Briton Jane Seymour and a host of US celebrities.
It would seem Mel is keen to increase her profile in America and has opted to appear on US screens instead of strut her stuff, as Emma Bunton did, on these shores.
I'm not complaining too much.
She is, after all, scary.
And, as was the case with Emma, I can't help feeling Mel will have a slight advantage over the rest - seeing as she did actually train as a dancer and dancing played quite a major role in her job (being in the Spice Girls).
Indeed, some would say that was all it involved.
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