Wednesday, September 26th, 2007, 5:03 pm
A whole month since my last entry - time flies!
I'm continuing along my rocky path - up, down, down some more, up a bit, to me, to you (sorry - sarcasm is still going strong!)
My work is still taking it's toll - I get a lot from it and enjoy on the whole but it takes so much energy and it has been incredibly busy for the last few weeks and very stressful. It's really difficult as like I said I enjoy it but it's also tearing me apart. But that's a long story and I don't have the time or mental energy and strength to tell it.
The real reason I stopped by is I'm going on holiday in the morning and I am absolutely petrified about the flight. It's only about 50 minutes but I don't know how I'm going to get through it. I feel sick. I want to cry. I want the holiday but I don't want to fly. It's stupid - I've no reason to have a phobia of it but I do. Like a lot of things in my life at the moment I it's just not rational.
I just had to let it out - thank you
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Sunday, September 9th, 2007, 2:50 pm
A few weeks ago I hit the biggest low patch I've had for ages. It took me completely by surprise and really knocked me fo six. I'm starting to get back on an even keel again and gradually picking myself up. I think a lot of it has been down to my counselling sessions which has brought out a lot of emotions as we've been talking about things I've never spoken about with anyone before. I need a safety mechanism to get through the sessions and still benefit from them but somehow protecting myelf from the fall out. I didn't have a session last week and I have been able to get myself together a bit more but I'm back to them this week and I'm really apprehensive about it which is only making me feel worse.
The reason I didn't have a session last week was because I was really ill with what I can only think was food poisoning. I have never been so ill in my life - it was awful. On the plus side it gave me an unexpected day at home which was fantastic and did me the world of good. On the downside I did expect to lose some weight but didn't! Still I'm over the worst of it and it has reigned my appetite in (I think my stomach must have shrunk!)
Because of having been so poorly during the week we had a really quiet day yesterday - didn't get up until nearly midday! And when I finally did get up I did nothing at all other than lounge on the sofa!
Today we've been to Bristol to see some friends running the half marathon and then hit the shops. But disappointingly I found hardly anything to buy!
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Thursday, August 23rd, 2007, 2:19 pm
I just wanted to share this because it's huge for me!
Last night I ran a solid 4 miles - the furthest I've ever done. Not much compared to others but for me it is!
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Tuesday, August 21st, 2007, 3:39 pm
Tomorrow I've got another counselling session - I didn't have one last week as she was on holiday. I don't think that I'm in any fit state to cope with it. I've crashed and almost hit the bottom (I say almost - I hope I'm not that far down). It's as much as I can do to get through a "normal" day in a reasonable state let alone do a day at work and at home and go to a "sesion" (as they have become known)
I'm afraid that my mood of late doesn't make for very much of any interest to write about. I've been trying to maintain a normal routine which I'm afraid is rather dull. For obvious reasons I can't write a huge amount about work which at the moment (sadly) is the biggest part of my life but even that isn't exactly exciting at the moment - no one issuing divorce proceedings in true Eastender's style! We have got a couple of interesting cases at the moment but I'm sure it will pick up again after the school holidays are over - people who have already split up don't want to deal with it when they've got the kids at home and those that didn't make it through the school holidays will start to come through the doors come September.
In other news I had a ressessment at the gym last week and have put on a stone since last time. I am completely gutted, I knew I had put some on but wasn't expecting it to be that much. So I have started back with avengence (perhaps too much avengence - 3 times in 5 days). That said I can't seem to stop the comfort eating which really isn't helping. At least the exercise gives me somethingto focus on.
The rest of my time is spent either with my nose in a book escaping from myself and my thoughts or led awake all night tormented by the toughts I've spent so long trying to hide from but the little ***** find me out in the darkness of night when they seem even stronger.
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Sunday, August 12th, 2007, 8:28 am
I have just found this which I was sent this a while ago by a good friend:
Tips for us ladies in 2007:
1. Aspire to be Barbie - the cow has everything.
2. If the shoe fits - buy one in every colour.
3. Take life with a pinch of salt... a wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.
4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!
5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 23 days).
6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just my personality.
8. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.
9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
10. Don't get your knickers in a knot, it solves nothing; and makes you walk funny.
11. When life gives you lemons in 2007 - turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.
12. Remember every good looking; sweet, single male is someone else's ex-boyfriend!
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